I just have to share what a joy it is to feed my little Taco - or as I like to refer to it, stuffing my Taco. He cracks me up. First he just smacks his lips 9 million times until I get his bottle ready and then we are off to the races. His favorite thing to do first is to lunge at the bottle like a little snake - he swings his head back and forth and then lunges in to grab the bottle and go at it. I am usually cracking up so bad at this point and still trying to hold on to him. Then comes the burping that we try to do every couple of minutes or so. Taco HATES being burped! He swings back and forth and raises up on his little legs and looks at me like I have to be kidding him! All he wants is that bottle and I am being woefully slow and inadequate in the process. After we succeed in raising a small burp from him, it back to his normal sloppy sounds and sweet noises. It just makes me so happy to make him happy.
"Welcome Blake! I believe you can hear the angels sing, and other special things that most people can't enjoy - and that's how very special you are! What a blessing you are, and always will be. Enjoy life! Enjoy the flowers, the smell of fresh mown grass, the flurry's of winter snow, the majesty of a sun setting in the west in glorious golds, reds and blues. These things will be such a joy to you! And to all those around you who get to enjoy YOU as you grow. I remember years ago, there was a weekly TV series about a young man who is just like you! But he called his condition, UP SYNDROME! May you always be "up" in your world, buoyed by the love family and friends.
I love you, and you don't even know me. But hopefully, someday we'll meet, and we'll hold hands and giggle, and the world will be a better place.
Your friend, Jan"
So my little Taco has "Up" Syndrome! I love that! And truly he does lift me up! He makes me laugh and smile so much more than before. He is such a joy already with little smiles and small noises. He already is trying to communicate with me and I am so thankful for him and I love him so so much!
Dan, my hubs, had such an insightful comment last night - we are imagining a different child and all the therapies and things we will need to do to take care of THAT child and all the hurdles to cross.. But it isn't just any child in the future - it is our Blake. The Blake that is cuddled up to my leg right now as I type away on my laptop; the Blake that makes those sweet little gurgling noises and smiles at me when I feed him, the Blake that has started to coo as if he is realizing he has a voice with which to communicate to me. It is my Blake in those future pictures and my Blake that I love so much and feel such a fierce connection with. So I realize it will be ok...he is mine and I love him more than words can express. I can't get enough of him and ache to be with him when I am apart. He grew under my heart for 9 months and I miss his closeness - it is so hard not to have him there again.
So I will focus on the next feeding and the next diaper change...I can do those things. I can learn my baby as any mother would learn her newborn. It isn't all that overwhelming to change his onesie and live just this moment. It isn't too much to change that poopy diaper and clean him up. I can look at his sweet face and I can hold his tiny hand and I feel complete in this moment. And the future? It is just that! The future! I don't need to look at it right this minute when I have this beautiful bundle next to me.
Aw...that is so cute!! I love that! Can't wait for these little cousins to meet. :)
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