So many thoughts...

We are officially sleep deprived! It is day 10 since my little Taco's arrival. We have been to the doctor or hospital pretty much every day but Sunday and I have seen more blood drawn out of my little boy than I can stand! It is so hard to watch all of that. But beyond all the stress of knowing he has Down's and hoping I can care for him adequately, we just have newborn stress! He cries all night and sleeps all day and I am not sure how to change that schedule up! And on top of it, we have a loving stream of visitors all day - which I enjoy, but by night, I feel a tired I didn't know existed! Wow! It is amazing! My eyelids officially have a mind of their own and close at will!

But we have so many people bringing meals and love and saying so many sweet things about our little Taco.

As the days have progressed, my feelings still swing around a bit. I have such a peace about his condition - such an assurance that his spirit sought ours and that he was given to us as a trust from above. I have no doubt that this is actually an honor - when I hear that I won't be given more than I can handle, I realize that providence thought I could handle this and that is a huge compliment. But on the flip side, I am fearful and tired and worried and every little thing makes me jump! I am scared and overwhelmed and I have never cried so much in my life. I don't cry - anyone who knows me, knows that! It's not that I am not emotional - but I am a musician and I know how to let my emotions out in a controlled way when I am performing or just living life! But it seems my emotions have over flowed my bowl as of late and they just spill out of me with little control to be had. A song, a look from my little Blake, a fear that crosses my mind and sticks with me like a burr have made it impossible to reign myself in! But when I was in the hospital I remember that nurse that told me just to feel what I do and not judge myself, and that helps.

My little man wants breakfast and I do too...