One Month Old

Today is my baby's 1 month birthday! One month already!!! Time just flies - this has been the most sleep deprived month of my life! I never knew I could be so exhausted. I wrote this entry a few days ago, but I will post it now and go hug my little guy while you read it...

It is so hot this summer! This summer just hasn't been what I thought it would be at any point in my journey. I usually love the fresh Colorado summers - yup, some of those days are HOT but some days are just amazing and remind me why we live in this state - we have a crisp coolness that comes in at night and makes the hot day worth it. But not this summer with so many dry days and in between my life staring me boldly in the face, I have seen and heard of the wild fires that have been so desperately terrible and have ravaged others lives. I feel bad that I have been so caught up in my own world and haven't even thought about the fires as much as I probably would have any other time of my life.

It seems like everyone's summer has been different than planned - and mine really has! Almost a month has gone by and I find myself at a completely different place than before it began. I am going places I didn't ever before imagine and I am doing things I never even thought of.

Am I being guided? Is this part of the plan for my life? I never saw myself traveling this way and meeting the people that I now am. We had an evaluation last week with our case worker last week - I wondered to myself, what can they possibly evaluate at 3 weeks of age?? He is so small and the thought of needing physical and speech therapy at this point seems odd. But they actually made me feel better and feel more hope for everything that my little Taco will be able to do! He can lift his head and he has actually rolled over! And they were really impressed. But then the other side of me hurts because I know I wouldn't be at this evaluation and I wouldn't be worried about all these little things if he was a typical baby. I never saw myself in this group of people - it is new thing for me and everyone is so kind. But a part of me doesn't want to be a part of any of it and I just want to imagine soccer camps and baseball and everything I saw myself doing a couple of months ago. I didn't imagine giving all that up for therapy sessions and meeting with other parents of Down's kids. But in the same breath, I feel very lucky to meet these people.

Like Kelly - I met Kelly shortly after Blake came in to the world and I couldn't believe what a staggering coincidence that we would meet, be in the same area, be the same age, and have such similar backgrounds. Why? Because Kelly had a Down's baby just before I did, in the SAME month! Her son and mine! Both an unexpected surprise! When we met, we both just burst into tears! What was the likelihood of this happening? What was the chance of us living so close to each other in the same town? Both of us are so thankful that our little guys will grow up together and be friends. Like it or not, my first thoughts were whether or not my little Taco would have friends - would he have someone to play with and build forts with? Would he have a friend to have sleep overs with and share birthday parties? Everybody assured me that he would be loved and accepted and I know that there are so many good people in the world, but there is also reality and I was so worried that my little guy would be loved and accepted. I want the best for him! What parent wouldn't, right? So with meeting Kelly and her son, I know that life is going the direction it should for me - not necessarily what I envisioned, but a new path and hopefully a better path.